Monday, January 26, 2009

Time...

Next month I turn 50. I've been thinking about time a whole lot. What have I achieved in these adult years and have I healed from those childhood fears?

I tend to look at everything with a sociological lens, so obviously much has changed but I wonder about those pitfalls, you know the ones that keep us divided, away from our common selves, our human selves? I've grown a lot since those post Jim Crow years.

That's me on the right with my bestest friend, Toni. It's my 8th grade graduation from P.S. 11 - an all white school black children were bussed to. Wasn't fun.

Can I imagine a post racial world? I've been reading Randal Robinson's, The Debt. Trying to understand the ways in which I may have been damaged because of America's ugly past. How have I been affected by the exclusion of Africa's contributions to world history? Has this affected my sense of self?

I saw this sign while visiting the New York Botanical Gardens. Finally, the story of my culture, my history are unfolding in the places I so adore

Will time help me to figure out how I can embody the hope that President Obama is challenging us all to realize? How is it we teach our children the best ideals that we, ourselves, have difficulty believing?

My middle son, Andrew, watching the inauguration. My oldest son was there somewhere in the crowd!

So, I wonder about time. Nina Simone's, Who Knows Where the Time Goes, echoes in my mind more frequently now. I recently found this picture of me taken when I was 21 and my first trip to the Caribbean. I've always remembered the water, it's clarity and the warmth but now, looking at me standing there, I wonder why I can't clearly remember what it was to be so young...


Well, one thing has improved, if nothing else. I couldn't knit then!

My favorite felted bag

My curious case of benjamin buttons hat, knitted while sitting spellbound watching that movie!

Well maybe there is still more to learn. I can't seem to be able to knit a tam that isn't too small or too damn large!

16 comments:

del said...

50 already? I can't believe it. You look fabulous, hardly a day over that pic of you in the ocean. Personally, I'm really looking forward to the next decade.

Virtuous said...

OOOh I am so excited for you next month!! What a blessing to have another year!!

Loved your post and I luv'd the Benjamin Button movie!! I just saw it Friday night!! Wonderful story!

*pops out the champagne* Lets get the party start the celebration!!

AR said...

You look great! I love the picture of you in the ocean. I love the ocean! Congrats to your oldest for going to witness such a great moment in our history. I'm a bit jealous of everyone who went, but sort of glad that I got to sit in a warm house to watch on tv.

Trish - My Merino Mantra said...

Deborah, let's hold hands and stroll into 50 together. My 50th birthday is in March. I have also been doing some reflecting.

I love that picture of your son, and also the painting on the wall. What is it? It's charming.

Jeanine said...

Hey there Good Lookin!!!

I loved reading your post.

Beverly said...

50 will be great. I'll be joining you all next year. I nominated you for a Kreativ Blogger award.

hopieknits said...

I love the photo of you as a young girl. 50 is a great age. I should know...been there, done that. If you thought that you didn't care what people thought about you before, 50 takes it to new heights. Very liberating. I'll have to take you to lunch for your birthday. Let me know when you are free.

CiCi and CAJtalk said...

what a great post.Great pictures. 50 is going to be great! You are looking good lady.. We have nominated you for Kreative Blogger awards, details on my blog

hopieknits said...

This is your second nomination for a Kreativ Blogger award. I guess I'm not the only one who enjoys reading your blog. Congratulations!

Beate said...

dear Deb. You look so cute both as young and with the tam.But as you know I`ve been time surching as well the last year. One is sure : It goes so fast!!! second: I love my life now. I live with every nerve -not just exist in a habbit.
I wish you a pleasant journy and happy 50.

Carrie said...

Look at that amazing beauty in the water!!! Wow!! I think you should go back to that exact spot for your 50th. Enjoy the warmth and the water you remember :)

Did you knit that hat while in the dark?!? It's awesome!

Here's to a fantastic year with lots of welcoming changes :)

Nik said...

If this is what 50 looks like, I'm all ready for it. seriously, you don't look it.

My fav. cousin just turned 50. When my boyfriend saw her, he really thought she was telling a lie. Thought the woman was in her 30s. You're no different.

Fran said...

That's a very deep and powerful blog entry; you write very well. I hope I look as good as you when I turn 50. I love your Benjamin Buttons hat!

working writing woman said...

Hey Deb,
Happy Birthday this month
(Mine too, but I'm even older than 50!)

As my mother, who will be 82 this August likes to say, "Happy Birthday sure beats the alternative."

Have you been to the moving sale at Close Knits (Is the Pope German?) I'm still on knitting probation.
xo
Elaine

Beate said...

Deborah dear- I nominated you for an award . Not an Oscar, but an Creative one- look at my blog for derictions...

Beeb said...

missing you - where've you been?